an (almost) perfect day

yesterday was a perfect day. a real rarity in my part of the world and therefore greatly appreciated.
too perfect a day to spend indoors!
so... when not doing that work which i must do within...
i spent a goodly part of the day verandah sitting.

verandah sitting is a sport particularly suited to my peculiar talents ...

sitting
smoking
thinking
drinking
observing
chatting

my dedication to the pursuit of idleness is somewhat legendary.... well damn, i ain't one for false humility! if you've got it flaunt it!
the amazing sense of achievement which comes with attaining an outstanding state of idleness... hard to describe, but, well worth striving for.

so there i was, sipping on my umpteenth cup of coffee.




by the by, herself (hi sweetheart) ...whom i strongly suspect might be a paid up member of the "the devil finds work for idle hands" brigade!
where was i , ah yes... herself informs me that the latest research indicates that women who smoke gain some protection from imbibing ... you guessed it ... coffee. damn... i absolutely knew it! next thing is research will show - smoking is good for you. the mind boggles, instead of all those horrible health warnings, we will once more have those clever, sophisticated advertising campaigns which escorted so many of us into the maw of addiction. only imagine...

"live long and prosper"!

smoke camel !

darn ... these diversionary thoughts are a major distraction!
so ... drinking coffee, smoking, enjoying the perfect day. a lot of folks pass by my verandah, in friendly village fashion, we greet, we chat, we comment on the weather.

me... "what a perfect day"

sundry scots... "och aye, but is it not terrbly warm... still... mustn't complain."

my deduction ... i have a way to go before i am a true scot. perfect, for me, is too warm for my fellow villagers. therefore ... perfect for the villagers might well be ... rather chilly for me!

my lesson for the day...

'some like it cooler'

the truth is out there but, will i recognize it when i find it?

being there

tonight is warm, a real sitting out enjoying the summer evening type of warm. so warm in fact that i am able to suspend reality and pretend that i am back home. back home in africa where the ringing in my ears is produced by south african cicadas and not tinnitus!

times like these...
i grow dissatisfied with my single lifestyle.
i remember hot summer evenings shared with the mann, me sipping a savannah cider, himself at ease with an icy amstel. surrounded by the heat, enveloped in the velvety dark of an african evening. sitting outside, in search of a breeze, a little movement of the air to cool us. constantly at war with avaricious mosquitoes, determined little blood suckers, intent on making us their prey in the still night air.

i remember and i understand...
for herself and me, it will never be like that. we do not share our lives, we share exciting interludes.
she probably won't be here this winter when i see the first snowflake fall.
i wasn't there yesterday to witness a hail storm of some magnificence.
i was missing this morning when it was time to mop up the flood in her office.
this morning nikki phoned, sad and hurting... some worsening in liam's condition. my entire being contracts with fear, nowhere to hide, no one to turn to...
herself still asleep, adrift on the time divide...

relationships are about love and passion ...
indeed...
but, perhaps we sometimes forget the importance of just 'being there'.

five pounds

five pounds a month. a good deal! five pounds a month paid to bt allows me unlimited phone calls (within reason) to the good old us of a.
actually, i wonder what they mean by 'within reason'. i have had no problems as yet, so i guess my phone usage must fall within bt's definition of reasonable. there is probably some small print somewhere on the contract which explains the exact damn meaning of 'within reason'. i am not much given to reading the small print, i am in dire need of new and stronger glasses, small print reading requires too much concentration, much squinting and then...
well ... reading is one thing, understanding is quite another.

anyway... five pounds a month allows herself and myself to communicate, verbally... on a comfortingly regular basis.
it helps...
to be able to call and share small triumphs, big worries, amusing anecdotes. sometimes we chatter away incessantly, at other times we will enjoy long silences. enough to know that the beloved is on the other end of the long, long, transatlantic line.
of course i would rather be in her physical presence, i would rather be holding her close, breathing her in ...
but... the comfort of easy communication should never be underestimated.
i have her voice and if i am honest, i must admit that i fell in love with her voice long before i ever met her!

a spoonful of sugar

will a spoonful of sugar cure ... a dose of reality

better, much better ... i still have an ego and a temper! my reading of eckhard tolle's 'new earth' has not as yet trans morphed me into an example to the world! strange?...nah... not really...

i apologize for my recent lack of input...
my neglect of this no longer so secret blog!
yeah well, what can i say. like... love does that to one... does it not? i mean really! life becomes all butterflies and roses, rain becomes mist, the warmth of the sun becomes a touch of the gods.

how long will all that sugar last ... especially when the 'involved' are separated by a vast expanse of salty water and a five hour time difference.

well, in the case of me, myself...
it would appear...
roughly five weeks... before, like homing pigeons...
ego and ...
reality...
come home to roost!

what fairy dust?

inimitable witchling
maker of magic, weaver of spells
what fairy dust
from her sweet hand falls

binding my heart
my eyes made blind to all
but her sweet light
entranced, eternally enchanted

i wish for nothing
but to share the dance of life
with she
true guardian of my heart

i catch my breath
grow dizzy with her presence
what price immortality
if separation was the coin

sealed, enchanted circle
with time paused, suspended
while love's pulse beats
a wild tattoo of want

and every breath so deep
inhaled to hold the memory of her
held heart close
to cherish in the time of distance

All materials Copyright © 2004-2008 by Eryll Oellermann

"us"

excellent to have my playmate back, perhaps i should say...
excellent to be back!
for the past year i have been determined to distance my heart, to find fault,to take care of me!
the mind is a powerful instrument, it worked and i was miserable...

what changed?
me... i guess.

we still live on opposite sides of the ocean. i still have a need to be available for my family in scotland. herself still wants and needs to live in the good old u.s of a.
our circumstances remain exactly as they were.

for the now, very little has changed.
my mind, however, envisions a future, a future in which herself and i spend a goodly portion of our lives together!

i love america, but... as a woman who loves a woman, i am a temporary guest. herself has no right to import my permanent presence into her country. may hap mr obama (should he reach the heights to which he aspires) will take up his lance and fight the good fight on our behalf.
or not...

in the meantime...
i am fortunate to live in the land of equal opportunity!
civil partnership is an inalienable right. herself will travel to scotland and we will seal our deal. this will allow me peace of mind as herself and myself will be legally joined. my rights will become her rights, my safe harbour a welcoming home port for the two of us.

we will wander, while we are still able, between our two countries. we will have two homes ... an ideal arrangement?
no way!
but... it is a way, a plan for the future, an assurance of some type of togetherness. in november we will have been together for four years, we have loved and laughed, fought and feared, trusted and doubted. we have tried to take the "easy way" out, by attempting to disentangle our lives. it just does not work... our hearts continue to call, our minds thirst for contact.
who are we?
friends, partners, lovers, playmates?
it really does not matter... we are "us" and "us" is a magical place. "us" is a comforting cloak of concern and kindness, a place to reach out and know peace. a rocky road filled with laughter and teasing, a world of experiences shared. "us"... two grown women, arrogant, opinionated and obstinate.
"us" is a place all our own, where others delight to visit!

the power of love

so...here i am.
in new york... in the summertime.
did life work out as i might have expected?
no way!

love is a question, waiting to be answered.
it sways to it's own rhythm.
and we?
lost in the dance...
we follow the music!

change is inevitable, security improbable...

the face of love an ever changing constant.

the despair,anger, frustration of a troubled relationship. fueled by distance and supported by the great 'i am'.
the unfolding trail of drama leading to a slow withdrawal, a creeping, seeping coldness.
a recipe for disaster?
or, a revealation awaiting?

keep the faith, believe! love seldom dies... it mostly hibernates.
love is an endlessly renewable resource.
love is capable of forgiving the unforgivable.
love is the courage to accept that the road may be rocky and the destination a surprise!

so i find myself, sticky with the new york heat, holding herself, with arms that have never forgotten her.
i find myself, sitting beneath tall trees, lost in the calm comfort of her presence.
i find myself, remembering that which was and looking forward to that which is still to come.
will life be as i wish... who the hell knows!
my life will unfold, one page at a time. my journey, my destiny...
a learning, a growing, a consistantly miraculous, unfolding enigma.


i stand in awe of the power of love.