life is a series of moments

i find myself up early, writing as the sky pinks up for the new day.

inspired by spring and encouraged by camlin's return to the world of blog, i will write ...
or not! at the very least i will on occasion attempt to share a moment.

i think perhaps, over the past few years, my life became rather too complicated. i was used to sharing my every emotion, my thoughts, my life in words.
too much!
keep it simple.

today the animal doctor and i are off on an adventure.
we are driving draco, her otterhound - a grand old gentleman, up to glasgow for his third chemo session. he is doing well, sleeps a lot, but then, so do i and i'm not on chemo!
the animal doctor has a special talent for finding new and intriguing places to go and 'things' to do.
today we lunch at veldt, a south african/scottish deli :-)
my homesick dreams of  bunny chow, boerie rolls, malva pudding and koeksusters...
today's reality!

April 2nd will always be ...

your birthday. miss you mom ...

where am i now...

i haven't written for quite a while. maybe the odd poem, not much. my mind is as still and quiet as a fresh snowdrift.
was a time, when words and ideas ran around inside my head, yabbering to be let out. no peace until release!
hmmm, those days are gone, i can listen to the silence now and be still. silence is perhaps not the correct word for the ringing, echoing cricket chirps which accompany my every waking moment ...

so why today?
am i inspired to write by the first day of spring?
or have i reached a somewhere in my now which calls for a little wondering?
doors closing, windows opening, dreams vanished, future promise.
life is so wonderfully unknown, so mysterious in the dark and light of it all. the unexpected triumphant, one sureness in the chaos of living.

an absent queen

what do i do
when pleasing is impossible
unless i please myself less
i owe myself
i lived well and lost
and long mourned
until i found love again
pleasing indeed
though less than perfect
torment and joy
interspersed by distance
and rejection
long lost in the alone
i ventured forth
and laid my humanity, my heart
open for another
who loved me well enough
time passed
i lived my intent, my purpose
a life shared
perhaps not...
the love of thirsting passion
friendship grown deep through company kept
and i, once more satisfied
with the unalone

until love's fire relit
burns hot as coal and calls my name
while she, with no desire to share
the cold, the wet, the almost nothing
which is the mark of my everyday
yet asks of me to sacrifice
the hard won company of friends
she weeps and speaks in hurt
of disdain and deep betrayal
where none is intentioned
my mind turns from the onslaught
in disgruntled dismay
for she, not willing to share my life
would yet insist i exist alone

and so, i write these words
for i have learned well
the lessons
the emptiness of unavailability
i say, no more ...
no never
will i make again
myself the subject
of an absent queen
love me for who i am now
for how i am now
or love me not at all

Copyright © 2014 by Eryll Oellermann

Happy Birthday Baby!

can't imagine you being seventy two years old!

bet you would have still been busy ...

setting the world to rights, one brick at a time!

always with me in my memories, forever in my heart ... endless love.

happy birthday manfred!

Happy Anniversary!

1st October 1966 ... 47 years ...



I miss you so, you live forever in my heart and mind, you are every breath I take.

I love you Manfred Oellermann.

Happy Anniversary Sweetheart!

what

my ears are blocked
and they are ringing
not the sound
of angels singing
more a screaming
banshee wail
and my hearing
starts to fail
why i wonder
should this be
what the hell
is up with me?

Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann