my soul friend

damn it is suddenly cold!
since i came back from africa the weather has been distinctly
un-scottish. plenty of warm sunny days, ideal for wandering
the promenade, full of muse-less anxt!

those of my readers who have been with me over the years, will
understand the difficulty i find in functioning without my muse.
after all have we not visited this land of misery and mayhem
many, many times before?

in a way i was fortunate to be called away to offer support to
my son back home in south africa. the difficult ordeal of waiting
hoping and praying in the impersonal corridors of the hospital -
well, one is hardly given to considering one's broken heart at
such a time.

back in bonnie scotland with dr g's new heart beating strong, the
mantle of panic starts to slip from my shoulders. i become
absorbed by the blandness of my life sans herself!
after all, for the past six years we have kept one another
amused and entertained.
in anger and anxiety, sadness and spirituality, sickness and
health, feast and famine ...
we have shared our days, our hours, our minutes.

and now ...
no more!

nix, nada, nothing!

it is as if my heart has ceased to beat. the deafening silence
rings in my ears.

for a woman to love a woman is a thing of wonder, an exploration
of a world set apart,a magical time of being.
the loss of such a companion is however, unbearable.

an ocean stretches between us, our paths diverge and we walk
alone.
and yet ...
despite all our differences
herself was and always will be my anam cara, my soul friend.