gone fishin'

the muse - 2

the poetry of my heart



as if

my heart hangs heavy in my chest
dead weight at the centre of myself
as if the hand of God were squeezing
the essence of my life force
the barren taste of life without you
lies bitter on my tongue
yet i so longed for this freedom
the right to lust and hunt another
freed of the obligations of faithfulness
allowed the joy of a companion
close within my reach
i will not ask you to forgive me
you gave me only what i wished for
if ever you mourn love lost
know this wolf howls at the emptiness
a dark world engulfed in your absence
know too, that this wild heart
will love you always

Copyright © 2004-2009 by Eryll Oellermann




just be bad

ah fuck, i am so angry
i'm friggin' spitting mad
why should i play the good, nice girl
when i can just be bad
i'm tired of waiting for you
your excuses have run out
it's time to fish or to cut bait
i really start to doubt
no more will i be begging
or asking for your hand
if you decide you want me
you buy the wedding band
no further word will pass my lips
of living at your side
i have a place, i'm happy here
you want me, you decide
you organize, you rearrange
you beg and i might come
until you do, i'll live my life
i'm sick of acting dumb
you need space and you need time
there always is a reason
why you and i can not be close
until another season
so take your time, enjoy your space
you have all that you need
you sort yourself and settle down
believe me, i won't plead.......

Copyright © 2004-2009 by Eryll Oellermann

the muse

in my (not so humble) opinion, i wrote some of my best poetry for herself. during our somewhat tempestuous romance, i was so divinely obsessed with the woman, my mind filled with words. words of love, passion, anger, disappointment, loss. we broke up, i was devastated, we made up, i was ecstatic!
i wrote and wrote, she was indeed the most marvellous muse ...

i have never shared with the world the poetry i wrote for her, it was too immediate, too personal. it was ours and ours alone.

the great love affair is finally over, there is no longer any contact between us.
herself no longer read my blogs, i am once again free, free to share my thoughts, my emotions with
my readers. there is no longer a need to censor my writing out of respect for another.

sometimes glad, sometimes sad ...

i am free to share with you ... the poetry of my heart ...


dreamsharer

take my hand and walk with me
in the world of my imagination
where dreams become words
and words reality
and i will show you the magic
of love in a thousand different ways
for you are deserving of a great love
to be romanced and adored
forever cherished
beloved dream sharer

Copyright © 2004-2009 by Eryll Oellermann


a little less

blue skies today and sunshine
my pain a little less
my heart a little lighter
perhaps love is only an addiction
causing agonizing withdrawal
day three, day seven
three weeks, three months
enduring addictive resurgences
upsurges of regret
for the lost love ,the missing romance
nudging at the brain,causing irritation
feelings of self denial
once more requiring willpower
perhaps love is only a habit
which if resisted will retreat
turning the pain of today
into the gentle memory of tomorrow

Copyright © 2004-2009 by Eryll Oellermann

is 7mg enough?

yesterday i entered my third month of nicotine deprivation!

the past four weeks have been ... a bit rough. halving the amount of nicotine in my patches, not easy.

yesterday, down went the nicotine content again, only 7mg now. naturally i am as bad tempered
as a bear woken early from hibernation!
fortunately i live alone, having only myself to mutter, curse and be annoyed at is a definite plus.
towards the end of the next four weeks i will gradually start to regain my humanity, and then ...
bingo! i will have no patch at all. no patch, no nicotine, oi!

what i do have is rather a nice little "cruise account" garnered at the expense of all those cigarettes
i did not smoke.