being there

tonight is warm, a real sitting out enjoying the summer evening type of warm. so warm in fact that i am able to suspend reality and pretend that i am back home. back home in africa where the ringing in my ears is produced by south african cicadas and not tinnitus!

times like these...
i grow dissatisfied with my single lifestyle.
i remember hot summer evenings shared with the mann, me sipping a savannah cider, himself at ease with an icy amstel. surrounded by the heat, enveloped in the velvety dark of an african evening. sitting outside, in search of a breeze, a little movement of the air to cool us. constantly at war with avaricious mosquitoes, determined little blood suckers, intent on making us their prey in the still night air.

i remember and i understand...
for herself and me, it will never be like that. we do not share our lives, we share exciting interludes.
she probably won't be here this winter when i see the first snowflake fall.
i wasn't there yesterday to witness a hail storm of some magnificence.
i was missing this morning when it was time to mop up the flood in her office.
this morning nikki phoned, sad and hurting... some worsening in liam's condition. my entire being contracts with fear, nowhere to hide, no one to turn to...
herself still asleep, adrift on the time divide...

relationships are about love and passion ...
indeed...
but, perhaps we sometimes forget the importance of just 'being there'.

five pounds

five pounds a month. a good deal! five pounds a month paid to bt allows me unlimited phone calls (within reason) to the good old us of a.
actually, i wonder what they mean by 'within reason'. i have had no problems as yet, so i guess my phone usage must fall within bt's definition of reasonable. there is probably some small print somewhere on the contract which explains the exact damn meaning of 'within reason'. i am not much given to reading the small print, i am in dire need of new and stronger glasses, small print reading requires too much concentration, much squinting and then...
well ... reading is one thing, understanding is quite another.

anyway... five pounds a month allows herself and myself to communicate, verbally... on a comfortingly regular basis.
it helps...
to be able to call and share small triumphs, big worries, amusing anecdotes. sometimes we chatter away incessantly, at other times we will enjoy long silences. enough to know that the beloved is on the other end of the long, long, transatlantic line.
of course i would rather be in her physical presence, i would rather be holding her close, breathing her in ...
but... the comfort of easy communication should never be underestimated.
i have her voice and if i am honest, i must admit that i fell in love with her voice long before i ever met her!

a spoonful of sugar

will a spoonful of sugar cure ... a dose of reality

better, much better ... i still have an ego and a temper! my reading of eckhard tolle's 'new earth' has not as yet trans morphed me into an example to the world! strange?...nah... not really...

i apologize for my recent lack of input...
my neglect of this no longer so secret blog!
yeah well, what can i say. like... love does that to one... does it not? i mean really! life becomes all butterflies and roses, rain becomes mist, the warmth of the sun becomes a touch of the gods.

how long will all that sugar last ... especially when the 'involved' are separated by a vast expanse of salty water and a five hour time difference.

well, in the case of me, myself...
it would appear...
roughly five weeks... before, like homing pigeons...
ego and ...
reality...
come home to roost!