being there

tonight is warm, a real sitting out enjoying the summer evening type of warm. so warm in fact that i am able to suspend reality and pretend that i am back home. back home in africa where the ringing in my ears is produced by south african cicadas and not tinnitus!

times like these...
i grow dissatisfied with my single lifestyle.
i remember hot summer evenings shared with the mann, me sipping a savannah cider, himself at ease with an icy amstel. surrounded by the heat, enveloped in the velvety dark of an african evening. sitting outside, in search of a breeze, a little movement of the air to cool us. constantly at war with avaricious mosquitoes, determined little blood suckers, intent on making us their prey in the still night air.

i remember and i understand...
for herself and me, it will never be like that. we do not share our lives, we share exciting interludes.
she probably won't be here this winter when i see the first snowflake fall.
i wasn't there yesterday to witness a hail storm of some magnificence.
i was missing this morning when it was time to mop up the flood in her office.
this morning nikki phoned, sad and hurting... some worsening in liam's condition. my entire being contracts with fear, nowhere to hide, no one to turn to...
herself still asleep, adrift on the time divide...

relationships are about love and passion ...
indeed...
but, perhaps we sometimes forget the importance of just 'being there'.