how sad man...only?

i am not a nice person

yeah well...
what can i say...
no bloody backbone...
i mean i really needed to hear what happened when you phoned a number from a number which has been blocked.

that's the thing with herself! when she says no contact she means it...
blocked email...
blocked phone...
of course this still leaves the witch free to email and text rather curt instructions to me.
like exactly how, when and what of her personal belongings i should mail.
i like to consider myself a mature woman, somehow herself often manages to enrage me and i end up behaving with all the bravado of an insolent teenager. for example...
my last two texts in reply to her emailed instructions!

"due to the fact that you broke up with me and you refuse contact i no longer have to obey your every fucking demand. i will post the bloody stuff when it suits me!"

i followed this up about thirty seconds later with...

"btw i have no need for your bloody money i start work next week"

really grown up stuff! needless to say herself felt no need to answer. twelve hours later i was overcome with remorse at my childish behaviour...
same old, same old...will i ever learn?

by now the woman has really got herself up my nose. i had been breezing along, quite content with the status quo. after all it was my discovery and decision which led to our break up. i had decided that i was no longer comfortable with the idea of us living together. who am i kidding...comfort had nothing to do with it...fear was the motivating emotion! fear that i would have to change my whole life in order to compensate herself for leaving hearth and home!
so now with a few curt emails and texts she has reinstated thoughts of herself into my poor confused mind. as i mentioned before...no bloody backbone...

i digress... we were discussing my need to dial her number in order to see what happened. must have been about 23.00 my time, i had enjoyed a few glasses of good red with my meal. i was mellow and inquisitive. i dialed the blocked number...
whoops... her answering machine clicked in, i cut the connection...how boring, is that how a blocked phone works?
needless to say there was a short email in my inbox when i awoke.

"I will call Verizon Monday and ask them why the block is not working."

the adolescent in me rejoiced at the degree of discomfort my call had elicited.
Damn why is it so difficult to be a nice person?

life after ...

the unfolding tale of love, passion, hope and despair. the arguments and misunderstandings ... the ultimate destiny of two women bound by love and separated by distance.

The first seven days...
One side of an introductory internet exchange...

The first seven days

01/11/04 16.46
Destiny calling ...

words that cross oceans opening another mind to magical possibilities. I simply cannot resist, the difficulties of distance pale into insignificance compared to the attraction of your words. Language is my soul food and your words feed my hungry heart.

I have inhabited and enjoyed my mind and body for the past fifty six years. I believe in love and I follow my intuitions.....communication is a passion I enjoy sharing. I have known great joy and endured great sorrow, I regret no emotion, to feel is to exist and to learn.

I love to laugh, to play, to love, to debate with passion, but most of all, to share my body, heart, mind and soul with a beloved. I am in no way perfect, but I am fun to be with, intelligent, interesting, curious and full of wonder.......my world is magnificent and my appreciation endless.

The Great Wall of China, eyes that search for mine, a love to reach out and caress.......the stuff of dreams, perhaps. A great dream may just be the start of a wonderful journey.

Write, if you will, I would love to learn more of you and your world and share a little of mine with you.

Reeflightning
reeflightning@match.com



02/11/04 07.49

you write

and I sleep, I write and you sleep. Fascinating, not only distance, but time............

I spent many years in Johannesburg, a place of spectacular electric storms,nature's ultimate display. The old adage "lightning never strikes twice" does not hold true on the reef. I have experienced the love of a soulmate and I live in the hope that I will be allowed a second strike. A lover, soulmate, friend, companion to share the rest of my life with, and so, the name reef lightning.

South Africa is my motherland, I am a recent exile. I still long for big skies and the silence of suffocating heat.

Share with me about your life and loves, my curiosity is boundless!

I found you because, I believe in coincidences........

Reeflightning



02/11/04 19.27

on spirituality and kitty litter

Nothing like kitty litter to keep a person grounded!

Hard to believe most Virgo's don't care to touch.....myself, I love to touch and be touched, to hold and be held, to kiss and be kissed etc etc What point in having a physical body if we do not appreciate the joys it can bring us! Good to hear that you like to touch...

My kids are 31, 29, 25...eldest is my daughter, then two sons...all outstandingly gorgeous and incredibly intelligent :-) .

I live in a terrace house in Buckingham....small market town near Milton Keynes.

I am brand new to "this life"..I met my man and married him six months later, we were together for 36 years. He died of prostate cancer two years ago. We had a wonderful marriage.

But.....I now wish to share the rest of my life with a woman....strange, perhaps, but I walk my own road and march to my own drum!

We are about 5 hours ahead.

I believe in karma and coincidences and most of all in the power of love.

M is a very popular name in SA!

My name is Welsh...never been able to find out what it means.

Do you have a private email address, sometimes match.com can take forever.

Reeflightning (who was born on a farm in Africa)



02/11/04 21.07
therapy or lack thereof



I guess I am unusual, probably a therapists dream or maybe nightmare! I have never been in therapy, I have an impenetrable mask.....no one would ever imagine I might need it. Emotional connections with women...yes, physical affairs...nary a one, I look forward to being seduced! Manfred was special, men in general I no longer find attractive. I would prefer to live alone if the male of the species was my only option. I really do not see myself as straight or gay or bisexual, I am who I am, I find woman attractive, compelling, fascinating. I have explored and enjoyed one side of myself and now I shall explore and enjoy the other part of me.

Are you out?
I met a really fascinating woman, but she was so deep in the closet. I could never live like that. I wear my heart on my sleeve, when I love someone, I love with all of me. The whole world can see I'm in love and I am proud to show it. I like holding hands and flirting in public, living a secret life behind closed doors would drive me insane.

I have five grandchildren. My daughter and her husband adopted a son and two daughters, and were then blessed with two biological miracles, first a son and then a daughter. My middle son and his wife have as yet not produced any offspring. My youngest son is gay, in a long term relationship with his partner, no hope of grandchildren from that quarter!
How old are your daughters, do you have any grandchildren?

A terrace house is a UK specialty, built in a row or sometimes around a square, all attached to each other. Must admit I am used to wide open spaces, and find living in such close proximity to my neighbours less than perfect. I am renting at present, not settled enough yet to buy a property or have a pet companion.
Do you live in an apartment or house?

How long were you with your lover, when did it end, are you over her?

I am spiritual, learning all the time, my beliefs are important to me, but I do appreciate the views and beliefs of others. In my opinion everyone is exactly where they should be on their spiritual journey. Ten years ago I fought a bout with breast cancer, at the time I was angry and bereft but in the end....a mind blowing life lesson! No pain is wasted as long as we learn from it.

What do you write?

Where do you teach?

Do you have your own practice?

RL


03/11/04 3.21


better and better!


I was excited and now I'm ecstatic, can't believe you write novels about reincarnation! Are they published, I need to read them. I have been wanting to be regressed for years now....I read whatever I can get my hands on about reincarnation and past lives. I had to leave most of my books in South Africa, but i brought with me , "Journey of Souls" and "Destiny of Souls" by Michael Newton. I could write forever about this............

If you are wondering what I am doing up in the small , wee hours, writing emails.......I do that sometimes!

N and A (two eldest) are over here in the UK

P (youngest) is in Joburg SA.....arriving on Thursday for a ten day visit!

N and P know about me and are fine with it

A...I have avoided telling, as it is going to upset him .....long story, will tell you when we have time. However, the very minute I fall in love he will be the first to know and will just have to get his mind around it!

I have not shared with anyone else as yet, no point in causing chaos until I have a real, live woman to prove my point, otherwise they will just think the dreary English weather has driven me over the edge!

The only countries I have been in are South Africa and the UK. I lived over here for four years as a child age 4 to 8, then Manfred and I were here with the kids for 6 months end 86/87.

How did you manage to last + - 9 years with someone who did not enjoy making love. Sex for exercise is not my scene, but when I truly love someone.....I find making love a spiritual experience and the soul connection grows.

Really looking forward to meeting you now. Wonder if I will recognize you... I can walk into a room full of people, and within 10 minutes know who will be important in my life. Met all my good friends, bar one, that way...I feel we have soul connections as the attraction is always mutual.

Sleep deep, dream sweet,
RL




03/11/04 15.23

thanks for pic!

This photo was taken June 2004, thanks for yours! Your 7.15 email arrived 12.15 exactly. Just got in...will write more later.
always
RL


03/11/04 15.23

fate, fun and friendship

Very feminine, very sophisticated....different to my mind picture!

I am sure if a romantic future were on the cards for us, we would have been placed in a little closer proximity. Of course if we were to meet and fall in love....I am one of those people who will move mountains, given a good enough reason. Obstacles in my path become challenges to be triumphed over. However, this time around, I hope for friendship between us...United States immigration laws could well challenge even my stubborn nature! I really want to live permanently with my lover, listen to her breathing as she sleeps and look into her eyes first thing in the morning. I am far too possessive and jealous to endure a long distance relationship! So if it is OK with you, we will work on friendship for the future....what will be, will be.

I have met an English girl who lives in a village just ten miles away. So far we have only chatted on the phone as she is in Kent at present, she has just had a hip replacement op. We have a lot in common, she lived in SA for quite a few years and is as crazy about cricket as I am. She will be home at the end of November and we will meet then. I think we will be good company for each other, not so sure we would be romantically suited. I am actually half in love with a girlfriend from college, she still thinks she is straight...which is a bit of a bummer! I am sure she is as much in love with me as I am with her, she just hasn't realized it yet! She has already decided that if I move back to SA she and her young son would want to come with me...interesting. There are five other American girls I have been writing to for ages. All interesting and fascinating for their own reasons....I love people! I am actually going to meet one of them, she wants to come over in December, evidently she has plenty of airmiles.

I finally managed to get the new Il Divo cd, it was released on Monday, but has been sold out every day by the time I arrived at the shop! Today, my persistence paid off and there were still a couple of copies left.

I would love to hear more about your past lives, how you came to realize them etc. also more about your writing. I write a little...poetry and prose, but only when I am feeling driven, overwhelming emotions appear to release the writers block I usually suffer from!

smooth paths
always
RL



03/11/04 23.27


Can't sleep.....so I will write, some words,for my new friends delight


to drown
in eyes so sure
to breath the very essence
of you
to touch and trace
those gentle lines
bestowed with grace
by laughter
to hold and feel
and know
that you are mine
to worship with
my all
in love, bestowing
heart and mind and soul
forever in your
gentle power


04/11/04 00.00


you have only known me for two days...and already you have realized I am a maniac! Usually takes people at least a week before the truth dawns!!!!

04/11/04 16.21


rereading your mail, "what did I expect you to look like"....hmmm, went back and looked at your photo, guess what...you now look exactly as I expected you to look! I think I thought you might have slavic eyes, expected your face to be slightly rounder and for some reason I thought you would have long, black hair, caught up at the back, with a silver streak about an inch wide running from the front to the back!

I managed to drive all the way to Gatwick and back and collect my beautiful boy...all without a hiccup. Sometimes I wonder, I have been such a helpless female all my life, always cherished and taken care of by some loving male figure...and now, when I absolutely have to , I manage to achieve all manner of things, all on my lonesome. I had to leave home at 3.00 this morning as his plane arrived at 6.00 and the traffic on the M25 is soooo unpredictable. I am fairly exhausted!

This afternoon we had to take my grandson, L, to see his paediatrician at Milton Keynes. That took quite a few hours. P is now fast asleep on the couch, he flew via Dubai and spent 16 hours on the plane. Tonight N and family and A and M are all coming over. Fabulous, I will have all my children together for the first time in ages.

I might not be able to write as often as I would like as my computer is in P's bedroom! Also, he is even more "high maintenance" than I am! Attention is what we crave...should really have careers in showbiz where we could perform for an adoring audience, enjoying their rapt attention and spontaneous applause! Flip...I hope you can tell when I'm joking!

Take care my friend and write soon,
RL




05/11/04 9.25

time 9.20


Good morning
I trust you slept the sleep of angels.

Possibly strong, capable etc.........must admit though, I enjoy being "taken care" of!

Favourite girl?.....real life?..... or what I would wish for in a partner?

Life is good, my bathroom now has potions and lotions spilling everywhere..my boy is home! A, the elder ,is bringing my lap top back this evening and he has networked it with my other computer, so I should be able to keep in contact.

Does your youngest live far away...you mentioned you don't see her often.

always
RL




05/11/04 20.59

sugar and spice

aaahhh...that girl! She is gorgeous, sexy deep voice, beautiful body (though she thinks she is overweight!), works out at the gym lots, loves eating as much as I do, loves feeding me...very important in my book! She smokes as much as me..maybe more, wild thing...makes me laugh, thinks I'm intelligent, articulate, hilarious! She is the main reason I know I can be attracted to women! If I allow my brain to work and think realistically, we would not really suit. She is a wonderful friend and brings a lot of life and happines with her, but.....she is only 38 and I don't really believe she could hold my interest completely, I need a complicated, intelligent life partner, some one who will keep me on my toes, testing and probing, arguing about the universe and everything in it. I am not concerned with looks so much, eyes and hands are important to me, and most of all the mind, I need to love the mind of my lover. Oh yeah...I find people who love language and can spell...captivating!

Wish I was independently wealthy....would send for you immediately and take care of you forever! I don't work at the moment, but I need to!

More later, take care
always
RL




06/11/04 9.28

Good morning angel woke up to two emails! you are my kind of girl!
a was late, late...he was working up in london yesterday and only arrived back in bicester around 10.30. he remembered to bring elijah ( the dog) as i am dogsitting him this weekend. they are off to some conference at eastbourne.however....he forgot my bloody laptop!!!! no problem today as p is taking n up to london for the day and i will be left to my own devices.

i love talking to you, you can send me hundreds per day if you like, then you will become my goddess of communication.
a prof i write to, explained safe sex, lesbian style, to me....told her it sounded more like a visit to the gynae than passion! i lack inhibitions when it comes to sex, providing pleasure for my lover is my biggest turn on. If it takes toys, toys it will be...believe me, i am going to make some woman very, very happy.....perhaps you would like to apply for the vacancy!!!!!

9.20 just got back from bicester, had to drop the kids off at the station for their london trip. soooo hurry and wake up, so we can talk....i have my computer back for the day!

just off to have breakfast, still have lots to say! i''ll be back...........
rl




06/11/04 10.14

how about a dream lover

can't have an author who is jaded! i am determined to return you to a state of dizzy adolescence............an affair of the heart, the mind, the soul and the imagination. distance inhibits the physical, but, with your permission..............

i could romance you with my heart, seduce you with my words and allow you into my mind...our souls i feel are already familiar with each other. once you are hopelessly in love with me and i am totally besotted with the very idea of you...........i will just cross the ocean!

perhaps you have a position vacant in your life for a born romantic, who doesn't mind growing old, but who refuses to grow up! someone who believes in love and magic and the power of destiny............just let me know and i will apply for the position.

always
rl




06/11/04 11.47

Time enough

wrote this a while ago..............




*Time enough*
The sun sinks slowly, allowing nights gathering dusk entry. Autumn nips at summer's fleeing heel and the slow chill recalls winter's dark memory. The seasons follow us through life as we tread our chosen road. Time is both enemy and friend, the incredible optimism of childhood...endless time at our disposal, every new experience a wonder to be marvelled at. The arrogance of youth, immortal in our outlook and impatient in our understanding. The middle years, a time of building and nurturing, the slow acceptance of responsibility. We learn to love and we learn to lose, time teaches us that great joy and great sorrow walk hand in hand through the seasons. Spring, summer, autumn, winter, the seasons pass. So now we stand, fully adult and finally free of the responsibilities that time gifts us with. A magic time, with freedom to chose.
So I stand, for the moment and look back at the past and I am pleased. For it was not all good and not all bad, neither always difficult nor always easy. Joy and sadness, laughter and anger, pain and pleasure. But it was my road and I have walked it, keeping pace with the seasons, sometimes weary with the load and sometimes dancing with the joys my path provided.
And now a new time ahead, new forks in the road, new decisions to make, a new path to follow. My mind a little wiser, my heart more gentle, my step a little more careful. What can I wish for on this last part of my journey through life. The ability to see those who have need of me and the patience to share my time with them. A heart that learns to love selflessly and a mind that may understand the fears of others.A body strong enough to carry me with grace and dignity towards my final destination.
A companion, a love, a soulmate, to walk beside me, for we grow weary alone. A friend to share the wonders and marvels of the road, a life partner to bring joy to all the seasons.




06/11/04 12.11

worry not

i know quite well how to protect my heart! nice to have a therapist on my side though............will make myself some coffee and be back. do you have AIM instant messaging?
rl




06/11/04 12.21

no subject

how many cats
what are their names
how do you take your coffee

when i was little i used to pretend i was boy called john...my poor brother had to be mary...luckily no permanent damage to his psych, he managed to grow up, marry and sire five kids...................first installment, so you can try and analyze me over the internet!
rl




06/11/04 13.00

no subject

feel free to wear your therapists hat..........i do not share so easily with everyone.........i know when i am safe.........you may have access to all of me

i love cats...had to leave my precious c with pj in SA will send you a pic

i smoke too much...even went to a hypnotist to try and get a cure...lasted a whole week that time! determined to give up, next try when pj goes home! if you are allergic i will use that as motivation!

love wine, especially red...white is nice on a hot day, especially cheap plonk, with ice in.....that's what we drink in sa, lunch time, hot days, good friends
love chocolate...too much

manfred was my best friend, i have five very good friends...like family to me...E, A, S. D and G..all in SA

know lots of gay people in SA




06/11/04 13.25

next


how long have you been friends

you have kids...were you married

when and for how long..if you were

how did you realize you were gay

_Me_
tomboyish but all woman....have never worn make up, tried it once and decided i looked like a hooker! like jeans and running shoes...sorry don't share your fascination with shoes....but i support you entirely in your desire to shop for them. i was born with a very faithful nature...don't have to try, i simply am. i think cheating on someone is despicable, if i ever had a desire to wander, i would tell my partner first. first boyfriend age 7, really liked boys.....got crushes on girls too, once i was sent to all girl schools...more to come




06/11/04 13.46

no subject


Why did i move to the uk..hmmmm, not really sure really. i came over to visit adam and michelle for a two month holiday, he kept nagging me to move over here, but no way was i interested. went home to sa, told everyone i would never want to live in the uk..too grey, too small, too cramped, too full of people with Brit accents! so now we are in august 2004, i was going crazy with missing m, restless, unhappy, decided i would live half the year in sa, half in uk...then i found out that n and i really wanted to immigrate to the uk but n felt bad about leaving me (don't you love it when they suddenly start to feel like your parent and want to take care of you! aaarrrrggg!). so i thought well....if i go they will go and that will sort that out and i was here by end november 2004. they arrived end january 2005, nice and settled and i am now free to go where i wish. i'm not dependent on my kids, they have their own lives and i need my own...much as i love them!

i like girls who look like girls!




06/11/04 14.10

no subject

oxford school of reflexology, village called wheatly just outside oxford, only have lectures two days a month, rest is home study and practical work. i am a useless student, very good at listening and practical but hate studying, nothing has changed since i was at school!

cheap plonk is cheap wine comes in boxes or jars, can only be improved by adding ice!

you might well be right about my sense of humour

cold rejecting hubby, girlfriend who wasn't crazy about sex, you need me in your life babe!!!! loving is my specialty, cherishing my addiction and touching my pleasure!!!!

maybe we can talk later..tomorrow p will be back...demanding endless attention!!!

how long should i wait until it would be polite to ask for your phone number???
always
rl




06/11/04 14.28

no subject

cool get off the net....i have alpha prepaid, cheap international calls....no sweat. give me a minute or two to find united states code . prepare yourself for sa accent...have you ever met one of us!
love

06/11/04 14.36

hey you with the cute american accent, i keep getting your answering machine! are you still online!

06/11/04 16.58

knowing your voice

that was wonderful, now when i read your words, i will hear your voice.

don't you just love doing crazy things..like talking to strangers on different continents, when you have only just met them but feel like you have known them forever....life is sweet. follow the yellow brick road.....

my AIM name is () ...wanted (), but it was already taken!

always
rl




06/11/04 17.19

no subject

to leaf or not to leaf...this is the question. can't have the mailman putting his life in danger, so perhaps i should encourage you in the pursuit of leaflessness. you are so lucky to have big old trees, sound like the kind i like to hug and listen to....do you do that? the peace trees offer is incredible, here i have to hug the ones in the park, brits give me strange looks! sooooo...hug one of your trees for me, and listen carefully to what it tells you.
rl




06/11/04 21.41

Guy Fawkes

the kids are safely home from london, had a wonderful time. hope you haven't exhausted yourself raking up leaves. We have fireworks and rockets going off everywhere! last night was guy fawkes night and i guess the celebration parties are tonight.
just wanted to write a quick goodnight before i hit the sack.
enjoy your evening
love rl




07/11/04 09.31

another day

Good morning angel
trust you slept well. today we are surrounded by soft cloud,grey and gentle , muffling sound. think i will take the dog for a walk and visit the swans and listen to the church bells calling.

guy fawkes was the leader in a plot to blow up the houses of parliament hundreds of years ago. he was caught and burned at the stake. 5th november is the day the brits commemorate this, with huge bonfires and fireworks

so glad you now have im, will try and get on line to chat today...i am so happy we found each other, at last!
with love
always
rl




07/11/04 15.01

the intrusion of the mundane

dear friend
apologies for my hasty departure..........i had p beautifully settled in front of a dvd, ingesting marshmallow fluff . but alas, my dear a chose that very time to call and collect e.perhaps just as well, as you have a busy day ahead of you and i am greedy for your company! so, i shall content myself with this email.....sigh O:-)

are you near the sea, you mentioned a walk on the beach?

fantasy or reality...to be or not to be....
fantasy has it's own magic in that...it can become reality
reality...the art of the everyday...a desirous place.....the ultimate destiny for a fantasy of worth

i walk and think
my mind expands
future generations
and faraway lands
people here
and people there
linked through love
and hate and fear
through the corridors
of time
connected through
a golden line
soul to soul
the force so strong
for unknown other
strangers long
to meet and know
to search and find
through space and time
beloved mind

enjoy your day
always
rl




07/11/04 20.39

missed connection

hi angel
sorry i missed you. why are you watching your weight...eat and be happy! all those leaves you are raking will surely keep you fit and a woman needs a bit of flesh on her bones!
we are watching tv "britains worst wives"....for this i had to fore go "monarch of the glen".....the things we do for our children.
always
rl




07/11/04 21.35

almost bedtime

last few lines before i head, drowsy brained to my sweet bed, there to rest in quiet repose, dreaming dreams of perfect prose.........

goodnight angel, may all your dreams come true
love
rl

and yet...

well...
ain't life interesting!
here i was, cool as a cucumber, scarcely a thought in my head about herself...

you may not know who herself is, or why she is...
you will...
nearly three and a half years of my life were spent pursuing her, seducing her, romancing her, loving her. a fair amount of said time was also spent arguing with her, muttering about her, aching, raging, cursing her.

so anyway, as i was saying, we broke up twelve days ago. it was my fault (naturally)! not that i intended to break up with herself, but she had finally decided to move to the uk to be with me. truth to tell...i panicked ... i mean, who wouldn't. after all i had been begging herself to move in with me ever since we met.dreams are dreams and reality is a whole 'nother thing. sometime in the future i may get around to explaining exactly why the news i had always longed for... scared the living daylights out of me. no promises mind!

so there i was...totally mortified by the fact that i was scared shitless by the idea of my beloved moving in with me. was she still my beloved?... i wavered and waned in the stark light of reality. i wrote an email...perhaps we should take our time, no need to rush...so many differences, so many problems to sort out. take care, take our time, maybe the long distance relationship was still the best way to go.
herself ranted and raved. indeed why would she not. she was finally giving me what i had been demanding for years and what do i do...
i wrote another email, accepting blame, understanding if she did not wish to talk to me. i had to admit...i had changed my mind about us living together.
herself cut me off...
do not call, do not write, do nothing, we are finished.
end of story.

how did i feel...
relieved!
i no longer had to stress about sharing my space with a beloved who detested my carnivorous habits and slept when i was awake and was awake when i slept. i was sure i was no longer in love with her. how could i be, i did not want her to move in with me, she was irritating the hell out of me, she wanted to tell me how to live my life!

oh, i felt guilty, i knew i had hurt her. but... as herself was always quick to point out to me...i was only being honest. how many times had she told me she would never leave the states...that i was not the be all and end all of her world.

all this happened the weekend of the 15th/16th march 2008. today is the 27th march, i had not heard a word from herself. i was coping fine...all for the best...yes, i miss her but...better this way.

tonight i receive an email from herself...why did i not answer her text?

huh?... i guess because i have not received a text...
i text back and inform her of this fact.

herself texts back...she wants to know if the rings she has returned to me have arrived and did i intend to return her things to her.

i text back 'rings have not arrived and i intend to return her stuff.'

herself texts back 'sorry, sent original message to wrong number'

by now i am no longer cool and comfortable, my heart is thudding, my pulse is racing, my knees are weak. what the fuck is wrong with me??? all i want to do is hear her voice and speak to her. what the fuck is wrong with me??? the woman is a witch, she will make my life a misery.

i text back very thoughtfully ' if you need to talk text and i will call'

herself texts back 'she has no need to talk!'

damn that witch woman irritates me! i am like so fortunate to be free of her. hope i never hear from her again!
so how come...
i now ache to call her...
i won't of course, even i know better than that...