finally over ...

herself and myself have been struggling through the disconnection process for the past three months.

should we be in contact or not?

could we, should we remain friends?

should we, could we resurrect our relationship?

it is hard to let go. difficult to turn away completely from the one you once loved.

almost impossible to imagine your life without them.

we have been tearing each other to pieces.

today it ended.

fool

fool, a word, so easy said
rolls off the tongue quick silvered
who is a fool and who is not
is fool to be found in the demeanour
or does attitude shine through
announcing to all, there walks a fool
or is the title fool a cry ringing
in the dark depths of abandoned
was once the fool esteemed, cherished
now spewed from the gut, expelled
with anorexic fervour, unpalatable
dismissed, defeated, purged

Copyright © 2009 by Eryll Oellermann

the art of suffering.

a non smoker for six weeks and four days! damn i'm good, not happy of course, no, no, no! why would i be?
after all, two weeks and four days ago ...
my nicotine patch ration was halved, yep, you heard me, halved!
oy! my poor wee synapses are torturing me ...
my first month was easy by comparison.
the scary thing is, in one week and three days they are going to halve the nicotine dose again. aarrgghhh!

i would love to be able to say...
"i feel so much healthier, i am so glad i chose to be a non smoker."
of course, that would be just one big old fib!
i am an addict and i am miserable without my nicotine fix.
i gave up smoking for financia reasons.
to be perfectly honest, if i won the lottery, i would grab the first cigarette available and never stop smoking again.

ok ... i'm done whining, well, for today anyway. i might still allow the odd whimper to escape my lips, no point in being too hard on myself!

euphoria

she tells me
that on the scale of normal
i am a little off
nothing bad you understand
bi polar one
saying i love you
with too much feeling
falls under the heading
euphoria
how very boring
deep feelings are caused by
mental instability
no really
fuck



she tells me
that i write poetry
when my state is
euphoric
while i might agree
that i am hardly normal
i often wonder
if discussing my ups and downs
in psychiatric terms
is a less than positive sign
in a hoped for
romantic liason
time to reconsider
fuck

she tells me
that my rising fury
makes her laugh
because it is so ludicrous
how very unfortunate
to so dismiss my feelings
i wonder does she laugh
at her patients
or do dollars somehow
repress the need to
smirk and chuckle
am i a lover
or a patient
fuck

i tell myself
red anger rising
bursting peaceful banks
flooding my mind
is uncomfortable
but oh so inspirational
my ego sings
of freedom to bring chaos
into my placid world
invite her in
and you will write forever
feeding on the pain
of turmoil
fuck

i tell myself
tread wary woman
there is more to life
than poetry
would you sell yourself so cheap
sacrifice
the quiet depths of self
the peace, the quietude
on the desperate alter
of art
turn aside
while you are still whole
for you were not born to pain
fuck

Copyright © 2004-2009 by Eryll Oellermann

A World of Progress TeamZine

A World of Progress TeamZine

walking the dog

if only ...




in the heat, yep i said heat ... we do indeed have Heat with a capital H!
walking miss muni is hard work.

lil' miss has her very own fan club, do i know these dear folks...
nope, not really.
the thing is ... muni knows them! if she sees/smells/whatever dogs do
them up ahead, she feels a deep need to speed up from our normal canter
to a full blown gallop. indeed!
should her friend be behind us, lil' miss applies brakes,
without prior warning. this practice tends to leave my body
in forward motion whilst my shoulder dislocates.
she ... puts doggy bum on the ground and waits.

ahhhh, heaving and pulling is so humiliating ... sigh.
it is also pointless!
i am a great fan of the dog whisperer, i walk erect, i own the road,
my beloved bullie dog, enthralled by my leadership of our small pack,
should trot at my side, ignoring all others!

hey caesar! how about a trip to bonnie scotland, to whisper direct
into those beautiful pointy ears. no matter how many times i mention the
fact, miss muni refuses to understand/accept... the only one leader per pack rule!

enjoy!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amdEVSIJh1g