emily times three

i ask why
why when i shop
please explain
do i not buy two
or even four
no never
always
three orange oranges
three apples
three rosy pink grapefruit
why three
veggies now
one head of broccoli
is enough
unless a special offer
raises temptation
two for the price
of one
and then it will sit
that extra broccoli
in the fridge
and turn the shade of blue
that green becomes
when broccoli remains uneaten
past it's sell by date
forcing me to think
of home and hungry children
and waste and guilt
when i finally bring myself
to toss it's suspect self
into the bin
why three
three orange oranges
three apples
three rosy pink grapefruit
why fruit time three
explain it to me
emily times three

Copyright © 2010 by Eryll Oellermann

etched

we should know better
we really should
than to ask a question
we have asked before

what makes today different
from yesterday
only the wisdom gleaned
through pain past


a fragile shelter
in a large life storm
why is today never enough
why hunger for tomorrow

teach me mother universe
to eat from my heaped plate
and leave for others
the temptings of the future

etched in my palms
the lines of life and living
an innocence of pain
well documented

initiate of the safe circle
surrounded by love protective
why endure the disenchantment
of questions already answered


Copyright © 2010 by Eryll Oellermann

dance

some weekends are slow.

i still miss herself, my friend, my anam cara. the sound of the world rings with the silence of our parting.

today i was reading a few of the blogs i follow and i came across an update at closer to fine

what a serendipitous find, a wonderful happy dance video!

thanks you nina for the reminder of the joy of music and dance.

can't wait till i receive the all clear on my foot. seeing the surgeon on thursday.
and then ...
i will dance!

coffee, no cake

not that i had a tough time! i had a fun day ...
an enjoyable time, coffee became lunch, a really nice woman. lots of things in common, plenty to chat about.
i think we might become good friends in time.

i was delighted to find that my companion enjoys her food and is not a vegetarian. i am surrounded by vegetarians and vegans ... at times i do feel the pressure.
today however ...
we tried a new restaurant.
really great coffee and i managed to avoid ordering cake.
for lunch i chose baked tattie with haggis and cheese, mmmm, yummy!

coffee date data

i have a coffee date on thursday. indeed i do ...
and not with an internet introduced stranger either!
a genuine gay friend of a straight friend. i have even
met her once before, i liked her, she was educated,
intelligent and accent less. accent less is quite important
for first meetings! saves all that ... "i'm sorry, excuse me,
would you mind saying that again" stuff.

of course i am as nervous as a race horse at the starting gate.
bumping into someone at a friends place is rather less
stressful than a "coffee date". just the two of us, eyeing
each other across coffee and cake. no beloved pal to banter
on about everything and nothing, filling any awkward silences.



hah! nothing ventured, nothing gained - roll on thursday!

now ... should i have a cream scone or chocolate cake ...

i'm back!

hey ho, well! that absense didn't last long, did it?

truth is, i was feeling all miserable and maudlin and felt
the need for a more private blog in which to whinge and
whine without upsetting those i love.

and then ...
i thought "what the hell, i can have a private wailing
blog and still blog on the mind nomadic and the
unfolding enigma!"
pure genius! no really... sometimes i surprise even myself.

until we meet again

friday 12th february - two months exactly since i left my wee village and took up residence in an actual town. quite an eventful two months it has been! wrote off my beloved lady rav, accepted the impossibility of my relationship with herself, finally had my foot fixed.
2010 has possibilities, in march my youngest will visit from south africa. in june i will be spending two weeks with a group of lesbian friends on the island of minorca.

i breathe, spring is in the air, my heart quickens at the signs of new life. the first shoots breaking through the winter empty ground. branches, once desolate, burst with buds, round and plump with new life.our scottish sun rises a little earlier, sets a little later and i feel the warmth of her.

a time of change.
i need a new voice, a new page upon which to write my truth.
on these pages i have grown stale and careful.

dear friends and readers, i will of course continue to follow your blogs!

i will leave the mind nomadic and the unfolding enigma as and where they are. a small history for myself. does anyone remember designated writer? still out there, deserted but inviolate!
from time to time, i will continue to publish some of my poetry on wordspinner

until we meet again.
namaste

"don't label me" ...

but, if you must ...

"hey good looking" will do just fine!

fellow blogger jude was called 'sir' recently, which made me
remember ...

even when i was a happily (extremely) married straight woman
i was often called sir. not that i blamed the folks for the
error, i always used to look in the mirror and think to
myself...
"damn! i would have made a much better looking man than
i do a woman."
i figured a lot of my fellow humans do not really SEE us
when they look at us.
short hair, jeans, collared shirt and trainers, a quick glance
equals - male. plus my voice is fairly husky due to years
spent inhaling my addiction!

when i entered the gay world i knew nothing of femmes, dykes,
butches etc. i had grown up a tom boy, i felt no need to adorn
myself in dresses, bows, high heeled shoes and make up. i
enjoyed these things well enough on another woman but for
myself ... no.
ahhh ... the reef was about to be educated.

herself, a self proclaimed femme, much given to bling, high
fashion, hairdressers who gave a damn and expensive and
alluring make up was about to bring me up to scratch.

"you are such a butch" she would say.

me ..."nah, my friends think i'm a very feminine woman."

herself ... "shows how much they know!"

i was always happy to open doors, carry parcels and generally
act the gentleman. that much came naturally to me. it is true
i love to take care of any woman in whose company i find
myself. but ... diy and tools, pumping car tyres, decorating -
these are man jobs in my opinion!

as herself would then mutter ... "what kind of a butch are you?"

indeed!

i sometimes think ... maybe androgynous, soft butch sounds
a bit wishy washy to me.

and then ...
on herself's last visit, when i managed to plough my lady
rav head first into a passing vehicle, leaving ms sugar a
little bruised and bent.
the emergency response teams had a real problem.

a fireman asked me politely ... "are you OK sir?"

the ambulance medic assured ms m... "your husband
is fine, he can ride in the ambulance with you!

hah! red faces all around a while later. mind ... i was looking
strikingly handsome on that particular day!