today is here

Today is here

that's all that matters

my heart is beating

I can feel the patters

there's air to breath

and clothes to wear

it's raining again

but I won't be bare

i've shoes for walking

and food to eat

my roof doesn't leak

so my life's complete

tonight i'm off

to a halloween party

where the company's great

and the drinks will be hearty

so I say to myself

what more could I ask

but loads of hot water

and a long deep bath

I have that too

so what can I say

i'm up and ready

to face the day

life is good

if you don't search for pain

one of these days

i'll be happy again

Copyright © 2011 by Eryll Oellermann

done bitchin'

woke up this morning to one of scotland's spectacularly beautiful days. the air clean washed ...  what did you think all the damned rain was for?

 i am more than confident in recommending scottish air, must be the cleanest around, except for, maybe ireland?

i am housesitting in dailly for a couple of days. dailly is a small village in south ayrshire, it sits, surrounded by rolling green  hills, in the middle of nowhere. around noon the old men of the village gather at the bridge and spend their hours whiling away the the time by chatting and gazing at the flow of the river.

waking up to sunshine i decided to take a walk up to 'the co-op'. dailly has only two shops, the co-op and  a corner cafe. of course there is also the pub/inn and i do believe that there is a wee tea room where one may partake of tea and scones.
village life - each and every person i met greeted me with a smile and a friendly comment. i had almost forgotten, troon where i live is only a small town but some what more sophisticated.

a litre of milk and a pack of cigarettes, i had not smoked for the month i was in the states but, what the hell, who wants to live forever!
besides it is my firm intention to 'give up' women in the romantic, passionate, lesbian drama filled meaning of the phrase. "do no harm" is one of my firmest convictions.  i seem to have developed an unfortunate habit of falling in and out of love in the manner of a reckless teenager thus causing endless heartache and anxt to the objects of my affection. enough already, i will preserve my undeniable wolfish charms for friends and blood relatives.

sunshine, cigarettes and the desire to write, what more could the wolf/poet ask for.

i feel like bitchin'

i mean ... whoah! how come no one warned me about arthritis in the feet?

in my thirties i started to get arthritis in my hands, red swollen joints, painful as hell. did i complain - no sir - runs in my family, can't argue with your genetic inheritance. you learn to deal with it and one day it stops hurting and one is left with crooked, knobbly fingers. no big deal really, after all, i don't walk on my hands.

but the feet? ouch! about four years ago, in the summer, my feet became really painful, walking was a chore. so off to the nhs for relief. hah bloody hah! very nice doctor has me take off my shoes and socks and examines my feet.
"hmmm probably arthritis, no sign of damage as yet., i'll give you a scrip for ibuprofen, that should help."

okaaaay ...
how come nobody remembers that my gut really does not care for ibuprofen, in fact my body in general does not really care for ibuprofen. but, if that's all they have for me ...
 the pain wore off, i forgot about my sore feet and went cheerfully about my life. my feet skipped the next summer, no problems. year three and it is back, bearable though.

year four, this year - ouch. the pain is constant, the more i walk, the worse it becomes - oy! and i'm walking a lot. as we all know only too well, my car has given up the ghost. once more i take myself down to visit my gp. he looks at my feet, doesn't touch them, guess that might be asking a bit much!
"well, it's arthritis, see how your foot is twisting?"
i look down at my feet, nope, not actually, looks super duper fine to me. it just hurts like hell.
"anything you can do doc?" ...
after all, hips, knees and who the hell knows what else, are all replaceable.
the doc frowns, i can smell the anaesthetic already, i see the get well soon bouquets, my children gathered around my hospital bed. how do they manage to look at me both with concern and admiration?
the doc unpurses his lips, shakes his head ...
"no, nothing can be done, i'll   write you a scrip for ibuprofen."
no really! that is what he said.

so i feel like bitchin' !

another day, another way

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

From Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:

the pain of today

if life is for learning
where lies the lesson
do we truly search for the point of truth
will our eyes seek a far horizon
for questions without answers
why must we chose between
the powerful touch of a man
the tender touch of a woman
we are born innocent and lacking guile
we believe happiness to be our right
will we ever learn
how to deal with a heart
which won't give up hope
wondering why some loves
hold us so tight
that we can hardly breathe
why we allow ourselves to stay
when we have the wisdom
but not the courage
to walk away from the dark
why the ties of an undying love
long since betrayed and betraying
hold us still with the rough passion
of a relentless undertow
tumbling us gasping and helpless
as if at peace in our lack of power
is there a fascination to be found
in the inevitability of failure
is there strength to be found in loss
do we fear tomorrow's joy
more than the pain of today

Copyright © 2011 by Eryll Oellermann

home again ...

my mind still trapped in smoky mountain time. my sleep patterns obeying the rules of another time and place. home from the unfolding mountains, disappearing into the haze of distance,the forest clothed in a burning fire of autumn colour. home from the cabin which smelled of the fresh sawn logs from which it was built. home from the night skies of a million stars and the gentle sounds of the night woods. home from the place where i stood and cried at the wonder, the unconscious beauty of our natural world. home from the sunshine, the clear skies, the heat, the soft southern drawl. so much beauty to discover and yet ... how wonderful to be home. home with words to write and thoughts to share...