funny how ...

trust is such an important part of a relationship.

herself and myself have now been together (on and off!) for five years and three months.

i have to admit that somewhere along the rutted and dusty road we have travelled, i lost faith.i lost my trust in our relationship, i allowed doubt and hesitation to creep up on me.
i no longer believed that we were destined to be together.

my ardour cooled, my desire to share dissipated, my passion for our romantic relationship dwindled ...

my love for herself became as gentle as a snowflake landing on an unaware arm.
speaking for myself, love does not die. my love merely became easier. it grew easier to endure the physical absense. easier to involve myself anew in the possibilities of life around me.
i no longer wished to pursue love, i was content to while away my time. i had no need for another, she would always own my heart ...

and then ...
it happened ...
herself decided ...

scotland and myself were a viable alternative!
her home went on the market.
her cats visited the vetenarian and suffered the indignity of needles in preparation for international travel.

i wished i could believe!

fear ruled my mind, i refused to allow myself to even imagine a future together.
she would change her mind, something would come up, no point in allowing myself to hope again.

i flew home to the motherland and steeped myself in family and friends. the sun touched my skin and reminded me of yesterday. the heat and humidity melted my coldness, i began to believe, i regained my trust.

a small spark, a beginning ...

i believe!

we will grow old together. we will love and laugh and argue our way into a shared future.

i have found my lost passion, i have regained my need to have and to hold. my heart bubbles, my mind imagines.

it may take a little time ...

but ...
i believe!