why me???

nobody sang


i have stories to tell
which would make your hair curl
the loves and the leavings
of me and my girl
the passion, the drama
it's hard to believe
i'll have you all bawling
and begging reprieve
no mortal should live
through such turbulent times
the ups and the downs
the heroics and crimes
in the end with a whimper
not even a bang
the end of the music
and nobody sang

Copyright © 2009 by Eryll Oellermann

team gina butch/femme

twenty two

it is simply
life
moments filled
with terror driven
heart pumping
fear
pale of face
palms wet
and clammy
filled with
an uncertainty
last felt
when only
a beautiful bud
on the thorny bush
of living
sometimes
we have a need
to prove the lie
i am not afraid
to ride
the roller coaster

Copyright © 2009 by Eryll Oellermann

thorns

the delectable ms sugar has asked me to make it clear ...
that she, herself, was not my first magical muse. herself had no part in causing the suffering and misery which inspired these works.

this tragically one sided affair of the heart preceded the meeting of sugar and the wolf! since our paths first crossed, the magnificent ms sugar has always occupied the position of "muse most marvellous".


thorns


show me the way
to reach your heart
through your barrier
of thorns
they guard you well
my hands grow scarred
with the trying
my inability to abandon
the desire of my heart
my wish to know you
my longing to journey
the path of life with you
allow me no choice
the attraction is inevitable
the pain unavoidable
your thorns repel
and still you hold my heart prisoner

Copyright © 2004-2009 by Eryll Oellermann

my first magical muse

i had never met her ... i fell in love anyway.
i fell in love with her mind and her photograph.
i fell in love with her words.
we emailed across the atlantic.
she taught me about messaging.
a stranger who took my breath away.
a stranger who understood me.
a woman who amused and entertained me.
a mind so sharp.
an extraordinary soul.
she refused to meet me, told me i was crazy ...
"you don't fall in love with a stranger!"


in time i came to accept her rejection, i moved on.
eventually, we did meet.
i was already involved in a new relationship.
i physically shook as i waited to meet her.
she was every bit as beautiful as i had imagined.
we spent the day together.
as my train pulled out, taking me back to new york,
she shouted out to me ...
"now i can say it... i love you!"

i wrote poetry for her, in love, anger, in sadness and frustration.
i wrote to woo her and to impress her.
she was the one. the one who first unleashed the torrent of words.
words once locked in my mind.

i doubt she kept those poems, i have lost many,
erased either accidentally or in anger.
the remaining ...
remain unread!

time to share them with my readers.


Begging - with apologies to Dr Seuss

Woke up this morning

And thought of you

Got back into bed

As I have the flu

So I'm

Sneezing and wheezing

And sniffling all day

But I'm begging you angel

Won't you please

Come and play

I've been writing great letters

For three months or more

My whole life laid out

Quite prostrate on your floor

I ring and I ring

You don't answer your phone

My frustration is mounting

I wail and I groan

How you can resist me

I don't understand

I'm simply the greatest

In all of the land!

Copyright © 2004-2009 by Eryll Oellermann

cone or cup

if only love was like ice cream
imagine if all you had to do
was wait patiently in the queue
juggling your indecision
like a hot cherry in your mouth
pull out your wallet and pay
but first, will it be dutch chocolate
or buttered pecan, banana/toffee...
an almost irresistible temptation
cone or cup, small or large
one scoop or two, unavoidable decisions
flavours, born in memory
flicker across the tongue
how often do we take the safe road
choose a single scoop vanilla cone
only to gaze lustfully on
as melting strawberry stickies other fingers
and outlines a stranger's lips
the sunday afternoon queue shortens
the small shop full of the babble
of children, unrestrained, running amok
soaked in sunshine and steeped in sugar
so easy to buy ice cream
you only have to want, then wait
if only love was like ice cream


Copyright © 2004-2009 by Eryll Oellermann

to waver

seven days
seven days
of nothing much
and now you start
your evil drilling
snaking sneaky
through my panic stricken
mind
for what, for why, i cry
how many bars of chocolate
must i eat
to still your iniquitous
insistence
yesterday was strength
no problem
i had the beating
of you
today, day seven
you whisper sweet, sweet nothings
turn my head
from sensible to needy
i know where you lie
waiting for me
tonight i crave sleep
to shut your ceaseless nagging
from my mind
which longs for an excuse
to waver and draw deep
the curling trails
of nicotine's addiction


Copyright © 2009 by Eryll Oellermann

the longest day

.

who knew there were so many minutes in an hour! damn!

i made it - twenty four hours as a non smoker.
hey people ... we have to think up a more positive title, non smoker holds negative connotations for me.
i want to be able to say ...
"i am a ... "

come to think of it maybe "i am healthy" will do.

the nicotine patches they prescribed are great, my nicotine addiction is being well fed whilst i learn to live my life without the paraphernalia of smoking.

wednesday's child

today is wednesday, i was born on a wednesday ... wednesday's child is full of woe.
well, actually, i was not - full of woe. the child me was pretty happy go lucky.

the adolescent me, now that was another story entirely.
hormones screwed with me, teenage angst, och man!

then i grew up and developed 'post natal depression' and eventually ... 'a chemical imbalance'.
you would never know that i was a depressive, no way, i am so full of happy pills, i have almost forgotten how to be miserable.

almost but not quite.
lack of misery is not a good place for this poet to dwell. generally, my writing thrives on extremes. sadness, anger, disappointment, passion, and occasionally a little joy. not too much though! in times of emotional famine, i find even minor irritation inspirational..

where was i...
today is wednesday and at 11.00am i have my second appointment with the stop smoking nurse.
the hour of nicotine denial draws ever closer.

i need not worry about the weight i will gain when i stop smoking. oh no, it seems that even contemplating the loss of my beloved smokes causes my weight to climb!

this morning i was on the verandah smoking, watching the world go by and luxuriating in the thought of my soon to be ultimate misery - life sans nicotine.
my woe levels were rising rapidly! and then ...
my mind went off on a path of it's own and started calculating.
how much money would persistent self denial in the camel stakes save me?

at least £25.00 a week ... yoiks that is minimum ... a hundred pound a month!

good grief! that is £1200.00 a year!!

huh ...

holidays, cruises.

sailing the norwegian fjords.

the great wall of china.

the nile.

an olivia cruise!!

who needs jangling nicotine nerves? time to go where i have never dared before ... the land of no smoke.

uh oh!