the witching hour

where do i find the witching hour
deep buried in the dark water
where the moon shines bright
reflected above in the night sky's
star studded indigo dome
do i hear the magical chant
in the crisp sound of footsteps
breaking the white of frost covered ground
is the witching there in the sounds
of silence and night birds, disturbed
as i feel the magical embrace
of tall trees, stark standing
echoing the season in their naked finery

where do i find the witching hour

Copyright © 2011 by Eryll Oellermann

4 x 3 x 30

January 11th 2011

woke up at 5.30 this morning and decided to keep my lazy arse out of bed post caffeine and nicotine fix ;-)

so ... then i remembered the get fit and skinny in four minutes programme.

omg! have you any idea how long 30 seconds are when running hard (well, hardish or perhaps just a tad less than marshmallow-ish ), i still have no idea! it was too dark to see the second hand on my watch so i just ran until i had to stop - not long, believe me lol! why was i running in the dark? well for pete's sake you did not expect me to run like a demented grey hound in front of the inhabitants of my retirement complex - in broad daylight!!

anyway, i think i more or less did it. my poor (soon to be wee) body is in shock. when i was done i had to walk slowly around the block in order to get my breath back. didn't want to wake the old folks up with my gasping and wheezing.

the reason for all this spectacular effort on my part was my lady's enquiry as to my ownership of more formal trews. i am to be spoiled by a weekend of fun and relaxation in edinburgh, evidently we will be staying in a 'rather nice hotel'. now, while my normal preferred attire consists of jeans (usually slightly worn around the edges) and a shirt, i do own two suits and one pair of slightly formal black pants (translation into scottish - trousers), tried them on this morning :-(
sigh ... they still fit, but, like a second skin and they are a real job to button and zip up.
motivation to exercise - found!
motivation to eat less - found!

time to accomplish pants/trousers which fit mission - less than two weeks. oy!

may the force be with me.

phelan moonshadow - chapter 5

If you wish to start at chapter 1 - see posts below

Where is Phelan Moonshadow right now?

Blowing the smoke of an elicit cigarette through a kitchen window, gazing at the almost full moon,
contemplating the last few swallows of a tall glass of Jack Daniel and Seven Up.

I am unbound from the past, looking to the future.

Three months ago, a heart broken wolf met the Animal Doctor. On Sunday we celebrated our three month anniversary with pink champagne, candles, rose petals and romance!

The wolf's heart learns the healing power of love.

As yet we keep our lives separate to some small degree. Gradually Phelan learns to replace the fear of failure with hope for the future.

I find comfort in her love, peace in her presence and bliss in her arms.

Tomorrow waits, a delicious new adventure into the unknown.

phelan moonshadow - chapter 4

If you wish to start at chapter 1 - see posts below

Chapter 4

so … I was born straight or so it might appear, female, blonde with really big blue eyes. Funny thing that, how your eyes seem to become smaller with age whilst your ears seem to keep right on growing! Somehow the blonde turned a shade of indiscriminate brown as I grew up. No matter, age has it's compensations and I am now the owner of an almost completely silver head of hair.

The boy was always with me in my preferences and I was fortunate enough to be born into a family who, sure and confident in their own gender rolls, felt no need to harass me in regard to my distinct lack of femininity.

I had no trouble at all when it came to finding boys and later, men... attractive. Perhaps I was born bi-sexual, with an ability to find either sex attractive, but, the way of my world was to find a man, marry your love and make babies. As a youngster growing up and during the long, happy years of my marriage, the possibility of loving a woman never even entered my head.

I must have been widowed for about two years. I was still deep in the misery of my loss and I was lonely. I moved from my family home to marry my man and live with him. I had never lived alone and here I was, alone, fifty six years old, children all grown with lives of their own. The silence rang in my ears until it deafened me!

By now I had realized that my man was special, a one in a million fellow. I would never take another man as either lover or husband.

I have no idea quite how I came to the decision that pursuing a relationship with a woman might be the way to go.

Never the less, I did.

I joined an internet dating site, my profile stated that I was a woman seeking a relationship with a woman. Life was about to become interesting.

At about the same time, I decided to study the art of healing through reflexology. I found a college which offered a course over a year. I had lost my old life when I lost my love, I was determined to find a new path into the future.

Little did I know that the wolf was stirring, the boy awakening, Phelan Moonshadow was soon to be born.

phelan moonshadow - the life, the loves, the lies ...

Chapter 1


Where does one start a tale? In the beginning, at the end, in the middle? In the beginning was too long ago, there is no end, at least, not yet. The middle, where is the middle my friend, where is the middle?


Who am I? Not who I used to be, that is for sure. Neither who I will be at some future point in time, for we change and grow, expand and shrink – we are life until we are no more. As changeable as Scottish weather, as beautiful as the green hills rising, as dangerous as the storm waves crashing against the jagged black rocks of an Ayrshire shore.


For the now, I am Phelan Moonshadow, woman, boy, wolf, wordspinner


Makes one wonder – does it not?.






Chapter 2


I was born straight, a tom boy, most definitely, no bows or frills, no dolls for me. In play, give me a gun, a car, a knife and let me run free, unimpeded by skirts and the despised fripperies of girlishness.


At eighteen I married a beautiful man, strong and true who spoke to my heart, cherished my mind and loved me for who I was. For thirty six wonderful years we coexisted, from two ... one, more whole together than apart.


The thief named death, stole him from me, from us – by then we were more than just the two who were one. We were a family, a home, a safe harbour.


It appears I find myself starting at the beginning even though it was too long ago! No matter, we will travel as we please, through the time which was my life and the time which is and the hopes which may or may never be.


For we may indeed make plans and imagine our future but in truth we are mere flotsam and jetsam in the chaos of life.
At times we have no doubt that we are in control, our life proceeds in the direction we most hoped for. We work hard, we plan, we pray – we expect the expected. Years pass, dreams are fulfilled, life is almost our own creation.
Huh! A life which proceeds so smoothly, expectations so often met …
what do we learn? Almost nothing! Good times, few problems, an almost uninterrupted smooth flow to life – enjoyable, comfortable, oh yes but in no way educational, speaking of educational in the spiritual sense of the word.


We are here to be human, we are born to question and delve deep, to wonder and despair. The easy life lulls us into the unquestioning, dulls our minds which were created to learn through experience. Chaos reigns, our turn will come and the universe will supply the learning experiences needed to expand our consciousness.




Chapter 3

Today is a new day, a day filled with possibilities.
Three days ago I was filled with shame, anguish and despair. Life was happening and I felt trapped in the chaos, unable and unwilling to reach beyond the past. I had forgotten that we have the freedom to decide, to chose between the acceptable and the less acceptable. In the well pool of my existence I had forgotten that even in the midst of the awful, we still have the freedom to change our minds, open a new door, walk a different path. We may not like what we find, our expectations may not always be met, but, there is a large dose of satisfaction in having the courage to try!


So, why am I writing? Certainly not in the hope of publishing, rocketing book sales, adoring readers and financial gain. These things are all good but, if we are honest, they are rare and seldom accomplished.
I write for myself, to set down in print the path I have walked over the past six years. I write to question and answer, to wonder at the world I wander. I write to clarify my own thought process, to examine the circumstances which have brought me to today.


Today I claim my life, I rejoice in the chaos which has delivered me to this place and this moment in time. I stand on the thresh hold of a new beginning and I am well pleased. Tomorrow may not be as I might wish, I am not afraid. Life is a series of explorations and I have a new companion to share my adventures. I have found a woman who sees the best in me, a woman who understands and accepts the wolf, a woman who eyes the boy in wonder and some small degree of disbelief, a woman who has proved she will fight for that which she values. I have found my fellow traveller.


Copyright © 2011 by Eryll Oellermann